You're My Driving Wheel

You're my driving wheel, feels good baby

You take me farther than I’ve been before

Ride ride- ride-ride

My mom raised the three of us kids mostly by herself. As a single parent she drove us to events, picked us up from school and made sure all our needs were met, even when those needs were wants. I shall never forget the time it was my brother’s birthday and the family tradition was to make the favorite foods and have a private birthday party with Miss Love’s homemade cake. Her cooking was less than stellar, so most cakes always fell apart covered in icing. It was raining outside and I threw a tantrum wanting a cheap plastic toy like my brother had received. Now it was his birthday and I certainly did not need a birthday gift since it was not my birthday. Nevertheless my mom got into our 1958 Red Chevrolet Impala and drove in the rain to the store to purchase me that toy. Although the memory of her action stayed with me for most of my life, I never knew that I would return the gesture until recently.

You're the engine that keeps me running

You're the motor that keeps me coming

To the road that keeps on winding

Coming to the love I keep on finding

The Madison clan has always loved television. We only had one TV set during the early years. Miss Love watched her soap operas daily. Her kids watched the Saturday morning cartoons. The few times the boob tube was turned off was between the hours of 6PM & 8 PM during our homework time. Our family bonding time was in front of the television during those prime time hours. We watched in pride when black entertainers were on Ed Sullivan and saw ROOTS and learned about slavery together. We laughed at Flip Wilson dressed as Geraldine in drag. We had to make concessions in those days and agree on what shows to see because there was only one set. As each of us got older and started working we purchased more televisions. My brother who ended up working in the audio-visual industry always acquired more sets as hotels tend to sell off old TV’s when newer models come into fashion. My mom (Miss Love) has lived on her own for about 25 years in a small one bedroom apartment. We got her a television for her living room and one for her bedroom. She later decided she needed one for the kitchen counter too later on, once she found out one of us was getting rid of an old television. With the advent of digital cable television she soon learned that her living room television no longer connected to the lobby. There was a feature that allowed her to see what visitors were ringing her doorbell, so she wanted another television set that could be hooked directly to that apartment cable line. This allowed her to see who she was buzzing into the building.

Hey you're my driving wheel, you better believe it baby

You take me farther, than I’ve been before

Than I’ve been before yeah

You're my driving wheel. My driving wheel baby-

Just one touch - opens up my door

Opens up my door

My mother has always been there for me. She accepted me when I came out the closet. And ten years later when I left the gay life and got married, she embraced and loved my wife as confusing as it seemed to her. She comforted me during the divorce two years later. She went to church with my boyfriends. She held my hands the first time I had an operation. She laughed at me telling me I was high off the anesthesia singing “Midnight Train to Georgia.” She came and took care of me when I fell off a horse and bought me a special back pillow. So it was a no-brainer when she fell ill a few months ago that I would drop everything and fly across country to be by her side as she had emergency gall bladder surgery.

Ain't a road in life I can't travel As long as I know you're there-

Ain't no map I can't unravel As long as I know you care!

Every time you touch me- Starts my motor running-

I like the way you keep it humming-

Keeps my motor running- I like the way you keep me humming oh

After two surgeries and rehab, we realized that Miss Love was 82 years old and the idea of her living alone was too risky to take with her fragile health. She has my sister in Baltimore, my brother in Washington DC and me in California. She choose to live with my brother in DC, so in the midst of a heat wave, my brother and I rented a truck and drove from DC to Wilmington Delaware to move my mom. We explained to her that she would be moving into a smaller space and she needed to discard some of her possessions and then the rest would be put into storage. It was important to make a list. She wrote down:

Some clothes

Some shoes

Family photos

Vacuum cleaner

Iron & Ironing board

All my television sets

We argued with her that she did not need all the television sets. While she was in the hospital we bought her a new flat screen and gave away one of her old sets away. My brother has televisions on every floor plus one in his kitchen and a small one in each bathroom. Her response was “They are mine and I want them with me.” My brother turned to me and said, “Give up. We are not going to win this one.”

The day was long and exhausting. Twenty years in one place a person collects a lot of things and my mother was the queen of collecting. We spent a lot of time throwing things out, cleaning the apartment and packing the vehicle. The goal was to return the truck to DC by close of business day and secure a storage bin. Friday traffic had us barely reaching DC in time to gas up, drop off the items she would keep and get the truck to U-Haul. My brother experienced the second brown-out on his block within one week. No power. No air conditioner. We were all hot, exhausted and hungry. We quickly unpacked and rushed the truck to the rental.

You're my driving wheel

I can't hear ya now

You take me farther

Than I’ve been before

Than I’ve been before

The storage place was closed, so we had to keep the truck another day. Frustrated that the day had not gone on schedule, I flop on the sofa to wait for the power to come back on. My mother comes in and gives me a stern look.

“Dale I am so disappointed in you. Didn’t you say I could have anything I wanted to make me happy? Then why is it I am missing a television set? I have gone through everything unpacked and there is one set missing!”

I took a deep breath. I wanted to cry. My feet and back were sore. I was funky, thirsty and had scrapped two fingers. I looked at the dried blood on my hand as I calmly answered.

“Ma, it was never my intention to cheat you out of a television set. We were unpacking so fast to get the truck back and the small t.v. was under one of the many bags of your clothes. I can go get it now if you want or if you can wait until tomorrow when we unload the remainder of your stuff at the storage place.”

Later that night when I was holding back the tears telling my brother the story of my reprimand, I thought about that day I threw a tantrum and my mother drove in the rain to make me happy.

You're my driving wheel

Drive me crazy baby

Just one touch

Opens up my door

I have experienced the true meaning of when the child becomes the parent and I fortunately have not forgotten the lessons she taught me. Thank you Miss Love for driving me!